Understanding the aging process and its consequences, not only on the physical aptitude of a person but more so on the mental and behavioral aspects of his life, is crucial to be able to manage better the person’s life and the relationship he maintains with the rest of the family. Refusal behavior is one of the most notable, common, and challenging aspects of aging; primarily due to dementia, and fear of loss of dignity, privacy, and independence. Here is a list of some major examples of refusal behavior and how best to remedy the situations arise as a result:
Refuse to receive assistance: With loss of dignity being the primary reason, insecurity, fear of dependency, and occasionally dislike of a particular caregiver could be the reasons behind a love one resist being helped. In cases such as this, keep an attitude of “we are all helping each other” rather than “everyone is helping your loved one.” Try to seek help from others for yourself in front of your loved one, try to say things showing your content that life is easier when we are all helping each other. Try to make it look like to your loved one that he is not the only one who may need assistance. Always keep your loved one’s privacy, independence and dignity, intact. Never act like you or anybody is gracing your loved one with your help. Sometimes, your loved ones may feel more comfortable to have a caregiver from outside the family helping them; sometimes, the opposite.
Refuse to let go of unwanted items: With dementia being the number one factor for hoarding tendencies, other elements such as loneliness, sentimental attributes, excessive feeling of ownership, obsession with identity, among others could be the reasons why a person would like to hold on to items forever. In cases such as this, never argue about tossing items that your loved ones like, or never question the worth of the item. Let them keep anything that they want to keep, have them keep it anywhere that they wish, and for as long as they wish. Try to come up with a photo album or a collection of pictures of those items, and try to move away the items gradually and replace them with their pictures whenever your loved ones ask about them. Over time, when they get used to see the pictures of the items instead of the items themselves, then removed the items. Try to purchase new items such as shoes, clothing, hobbies, entertainment, and other cool stuff, as often as you can. Their mind could get used to diversity and change and get out of that rusty mood of holding to old items forever. Be genuine and fair to your loved ones’ interests and needs. An item not of a particular worth to you might be something of a true, legitimate worth to your loved one. Respect their world and whatever items that constitute that world.
Refuse to use cane or walker: With loss of dignity being the number one factor, often times, an elderly would feel even more unsafe to rely on another device or tool for his or her mobilities. The prefer to feel they are strong, healthy, and capable individuals in no need of any assistive tool to walk around. In cases such as this, try purchasing stylish, modern-looking devices rather the very basic, simple ones. Elderlies would care about look as much, if not more, than everyone else does. Try to match his cane to his glasses or smoke pipe or hat. Using a cane or walker normally connotates with negativity. Try to change the atmosphere and the image to something positive. This could be accomplished talking about scientific studies or statistics that it is very popular to use assistive devices for several reasons including the safety, and more importantly, for promoting mobility and the enhanced changes of regaining natural mobility without such devices later on. Talk about people, especially peers and friends who are respected with your loved one, who uses assisted devices proudly and publicly. Show movies in which such assisted devices are being used by famous, admired characters.
Refuse to eat as much or as often: With depression being the number one cause of loss of appetite, other conditions such as boredom, forgetfulness of necessities, gastrointestinal complications or stomach upset could all be contributing factors to downgraded food diet. In cases such as this, never nag about not eating well. That just backfires and makes it even less appealing to eat. Always stays positive about how pleasant is to eat a delicious food, and how colorful life can be when having a tasteful cuisine. And back up your statement with truly having a tasteful food on the table. Unless it is strictly advised against certain nutrients for medical reasons, try to use as many as tasteful and colorful elements in the food as you could. A boring, routine food would only add up to their boring life. Instead of a few big portions that you would probably set up for yourself and the rest of the family, try to come up with several micro-meals (small portions) throughout the day. Regardless of what they might feel psychologically, stomach upset does exist to some extent in elderlies, so your loved one might not be able to take a whole lot of food at once. Have a variety of several healthy, but also tasteful and colorful snacks handy and visible to your loved one throughout the day. Sometime they might not want to eat when you want them to, but they feel like eating when they are on their own. Try to have the snacks looking as tempting as possible and being eye-catching in front of them. Try to talk about benefits of certain foods and nutrients that could help improve certain medical conditions or even remove the need to take certain medicines.
Refuse to bath: With privacy invasion being the number one factor, often times, other reasons such as safety risks, previous bad experience, being uncomfortable, and forgetfulness of daily necessities and hygiene needs, would cause an elderly or a person in need of assistance, not wanting to take shower, at least with a help of someone else. In cases such as this, the family member or the caregiver should casually suggest the showering time, and if encounter a rejection, should mildly ask for the reason, and depending on the concern, should ensure that the concern has been taken care of and there is no reason to be worried. The bathing experience should be as comfortable as possible, as less of a headache or hassle as possible, and should be conducted with as lowest privacy invasion as possible.
Refuse to sit at rest: With anxiety being the primary reason, dementia, agitation, boredom and insecurity could all be factors contributing to the restlessness. In cases such as this, try to come up with a whole lot of physical activities to overwhelm your loved one during the day. This could be taking him for long, exhaustive walks, dancing or exercise, and running errands inside or outside the house, like organizing the garage or gardening. At any rate, the pacing behavior may not vanish overnight, so always make sure to minimize the risk of tripping or accidental falls by clearing all the pathways and areas where your loved one may most likely walk or commute through.
Refuse to listen or communicate: With dementia being the main factor leading to elderlies not being able to keep a rationale conversation, other aspects such as boredom and fear of domination could also contribute to the escalation of the issue. In cases such as this, never take anything personal, always remind yourself that, just like the physical decline that is more obvious to you, the person standing in front of you is also having mental decline. He may not be able to use the same logic or thinking capability that he used to be. Always stay calm, clearly explain only to the extent that is necessary, and avoid arguing or going further over unnecessary aspects. While staying calm and positive, if the issue is a vital matter, take a hard stance on it and clarify that this is not something that you or them could decide on; it is non-negotiable. This could be something either illegal, for instance driving with an expired, non-renewable driver license, or life-threatening, for example not making to a doctor’s appointment. Aside from such vital, absolutely necessary matters, try to be flexible with anything else. Remember that the root-cause of a lot of arguments with your loved ones could be the inconvenience that it may cause for you to provide them with what they are trying to get. Compromise your comfort and provide them with whatever they need, instead of arguing against it.
“Understanding the aging process and its consequences, not only on the physical aptitude of a person but more so on the mental and behavioral aspects of his life, is crucial to be able to manage better the person’s life and the relationship he maintains with the rest of the family.
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